After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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