about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
