He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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