got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
