I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
