good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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