i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
