my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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