why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
