My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
