He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
