HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
