Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
