I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
