Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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