Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
