Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
