after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
