if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
