Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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