wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
