I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
