i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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