If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
