What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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