your thong is hanging out like whoa
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
