im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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