I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
