I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
