OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
