I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
