My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
