it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
