I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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