I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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