I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
