if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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