So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
