If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
