I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
