just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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