i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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