she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
