I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
