Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
