i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
