I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
