I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
