Dual....:-)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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