My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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